The first question that a person is asked when he starts to think of a partner is the famous” Well what do you really want in your man?”.If you ask the same person the question twice in a month you might get two answers.

“She’s the one!” he points to his mother as they walked by a wonderful looking twenty something girl, all he got was a glimpse and what looked like a smile, but then again who cares, she is drop dead gorgeous he thought to himself, and with a teenagers attitude. Just the thing to kick me back into the fast lane thinks the 27 year old US Grad engineer. I need some action in my life and she spells action.

Little did he know that he was not even on her radar system, her mind was with her boyfriend and lover for 2 years, he promised her they would get engaged soon.

There are 4 major players in the Marriage set-up or success/ Failure process: The Girl, The Boy, The Parents, The community( Friends are from he community also).Sooner or later parents and children have the clash with all teh ingredients that either separates them or end up with grandchildren in a year or two and a happy home.

What parents want( Then & Now): A guy that will be a Man by all its meanings, A Man that will take good care of our child, A Girl that will become our loving daughter, A Girl that will handle my son with love and tenderness thinks the mother, A Man that will be gentle to my baby girl and never hurt her unless he wants me to come and shove his face down the toilet bowl thinks the over possessive father. I can go on for ever with what parents want, but its all there and more.

What a Girl wanted-back then: A loving, nurturing, handsome, cheerful, caring,family kind of man( not the family guy),Money isn’t everything, well just a little bit, A man who will love her till the day they part, a person she can talk to, share dreams with, enjoy a lazy friday/sunday with, play with, take her breath away,  a man who will learn everything with her, a man who will respect her family, a person with high ambitions… and all the other goodies, basically Mr.Perfect.

What a guy wanted-back then: A beautiful, gorgeous, envy of all, loving, virgin. A sweet person, a care taker, a great cook, a very low tuned individual, not a

outspoken rude girl, a shy girl, never a in-your face kind of girl, a very well brought up girl with family traditions, a girl that respects me, a much younger girl than me so I can program her, a virgin with no experience whatsoever in life, a girl that has never known a guy in her life, a blind cat preferably.

What a girl wants today: A very outgoing, been around kind of guy, the player in todays market, a handsome guy, great financial backgrounds, a lot of money with some girls, normal money with others( depending on the level and ambitions of this particular girl), A person that has been to places, a man that has had his share of girls and fun, a heartbreaker, a smoker, a stoner, a drinker, a party animal, a cool cat, a person that would not mind me traveling alone with girls and boys, a very relaxed and almost no or very low jealousy levels, A man that will take me places, A man that wants to have fun. Do you see the ingredients, very true statements of many real females. I can understand that this is not the whole population, but just go and ask questions and see what you get, then dare go under the skin and ask some more.

What a guy wants today: Exactly what he wanted back then, but not a girl he knew, how can I be with the girl I have dated, what will she do after we are married, maybe she will cheat on me? just like she got to know me she will know someone else,oh, and yes a virgin. On a different level they might have changed on the shy level, they do want her shy, but outgoing is important these days, the culture has changed, and he wants to go out as couples, even single friends…its cool. He wants a family girl, Some hunt down rich girls so they won’t torture him between pay days, Some below their standard so he has the upper hand, and everything she sees is a miracle..lol, true. He pretends to want her for her mind,when she stands up to his level of thinking, he is petrified! sadly today girls are becoming more educated than shallow boys.

What does the community wants: I never got that one, community will cast a spell on a successful marriage and will die to get the latest gossip off a successful

relationship” did you hear about Suha and Ahmed? I heard she caught him on the phone with his ex-girlfriend” Gossip loves broken homes, or actually breaking homes. The sad thing is they do that to better themselves, they had a sad story, so why should a nice girl be cinderella? she should suffer like me. So in the end I never cared what community wanted, I have proof.

The numbers don’t lie: I have witnessed on a personal level the difference between people getting married in court and the ones getting divorced.

The line for people getting married is like people standing in line waiting at a boring Rocky the 15th movie, and the ones getting divorced are the ones waiting in line for the new blockbuster movie Hangover! its that bad, the courts have put drastic measures to block this Exodus of people from Marry-Land, but with little benefits. Take a look at this 2007 figure;

33 Saudi women get divorced daily. The high court in Jeddah reported last year divorce rates in the Red Sea city had jumped by 60 percent over the previous two years while it reached 39 percent in the capital Riyadh.

In a symposium held late last year in Kuwait, a study presented by Dr. Abdulaziz Alahmed estimates the divorce rate in Kuwait at over 25% while in Qatar at 38%. In the UAE, the rate amounted to 46%.

So my point is the times have changed, the reasoning has been altered and people need to know what they want in a relationship before they join captain  jack sparrow the pirate on a deserted island, or is t deserted? could be more population of divorcees than married people soon.

What’s you’re take on the subject? Who is to blame? the media? the families? the western style living in a muslim world?

me@mamdoohalradadi.com