“Mama always told me don’t go around breaking young girls hearts” Billie Jean, Michael Jackson. Well I want to ask Mama about the flip side of the coin, what happens when a young boys heart is broken? who do I file a complaint to? who will comfort me? Why is it always the girls that get heart broken? is it not a woman’s world today? so eventually all the manly bullying will be handled by the girls..hence the increase in mens heart breaks.

The other day I had a very intellectual conversation with a very wise and wonderful person who pointed out a sad-kind-of-true fact. She said that the girls take a hit in the love scene and stand up after a while and fall in love again. The boys on the other hand fall in love, get beaten down, never fall in love again, they suddenly become players, with some examples of people. The others just shy away, get married, have children, and die.

Now I know that could be an exaggeration, even with exaggerations you find a percentage of reality, and this time its a big one. But my argument is that its not that at all, the reason why guys turn into players or non believers in true love are many, let me shed some light;

Imagine if I told you the man was crossing the highway and got hit head on! you would know he’s a goner, unless what hit him was his conscious and suddenly woke up to reality and ran back to the curb.

What if someone whispered to you that the CEO was told to leave, you always imagine him being booted out of his position for bad performance, but then again what if he was told to move out of his position to chairman? makes you think!

When that neighbor had his possessions repossessed and his car withdrawn in front of his family, you knew he was out. Then you look at the newspaper and see the very man being honored for his new company that solved the cities sewage problem in 3 months,(its been a problem for 25 years now) he had to risk it all, to win it all, makes you wonder what you really know.

Definition: A curved piece of wood; when properly thrown will return to thrower, invented by the Egyptians or other civilization, made famous in Australia.

The boomerang I’m referring to here is the other kind. The one that goes like this when your pissed at someone “ What goes around, comes around” no one said it and meant it better than Justin. So if we were to shed some light on a delicate subject like this we would try and make it as easy as possible, how? examples!

When someone never misses a loved one its one of two things, she never left his thoughts or she never left his sight.

When I walk alone, Im never really alone, its that mysterious other person that seems to accompany us on our travel and we whisper “ wish you were here”, that’s you, in everything I do.

When I get all mellow and soft with some good chill music in the background filling my space, its you that swims through the grooves with me and surround me.

She; Hey there..

He; Hi, how are you? long time.

She; Yeah I know, its been a while now since I heard your voice, what have you been up-to?

He; Nothing really, just making a living and enjoying life, its been a year now you know!

She; I know, just a question I had on my mind from way back..

He; Shoot.

She; Why did you never call?

• Something happens in your life that changes your direction and thinking, travel more.
• Someone makes your day with a simple smile, just enough hope to make it through, follow through.
• Some idea sparks you up and ignites your genius, go get em Einstein.
• Some feeling is all it takes to make the switch, like an itch screaming for attention, listen.
• Some tragedy slaps you awake, learn and move on.
• Some hurt breaks you in pieces, your only human, the strong shall survive.
• Some girl betrays you and turns on your self destruct button, turn it off.
• Some little girl in the street catches your attention, do not shoo her away.
• Some fight makes you think about your belief system, is it time for an upgrade?
• Some things seem just that, accept the simple truth.
• Sometimes it seems that all the world is against you, probably is, change your mindset.
• Some foods, drinks, music bring memories, choose your foods, let the good times run.
• Some people know your hot buttons, diffuse them.
• Some actions are side steps and not the real deal, search, then react.
• Some beautiful things pass you by, slow down and admire, it brings wisdom to the wondering eye.
• Somewhere over the mountain, there is that fountain that quenches your thirst, seek it, enjoy.
• Some one told me a secret, it no longer is, she said she only told another.
• Some love affairs never see the light at the end of the tunnel, shine on!
• Some minute you get it, the other you don’t! welcome back to reality.
• Some idea seemed wonderful and doable, then that thing hit the fan, keep your drawing board handy.
• Some lazy afternoon you plan your life, good start.
• Some confusion becomes an illusion and the decision is made, move.
• Someones loss is your gain, and when you lose, someone too will gain, give & take freely.
• Some people are worth your time, how much is your time worth again?
• Some interactions make you wonder why not? some make you ask why?
• Some breakups happen for the right reasons, the other 90% are communication gaps.
• Some faces are remembered for ever, many disappear, let the important ones know it.
• Some one hugs you, do you really feel it, or are you faking it? some things you just can’t.
• Some colors make you smile, paint your days sunny.
• Some folk bring you down, others pick you up. You can never get enough of the good stuff, don’t forget to throw out the garbage.
• Some gossip for gossips sake, others seek truth, and some just get lost between the two, who got married? how could she? the &*(%$ thought I was going to steal him!
• Some artists become famous while living, the other 95% fame came late, a bit too late for them to witness it, passion.
• Some let you down, look up and you don’t need them no more.
• Some excite you, some make you, some love you, some hate you, some envy you, some cherish you, some can’t live without you, some anticipate you, some understand you, some walk with you, some run away from you, some seek you, some hint, some shy away, someone out there is in need for you, some.

Every once in a while you must stop, collaborate & listen. Every once in a while you will lose something in exchange for something, with or without that someone, you need to keep on moving. Every once in a while you need to understand to be understood.

mamdooh.alradadi on some lazy friday afternoon.

me@mamdoohalradadi.com

I write to you, for you are many and not one, you contain many people in you, you can be one and you can sometimes be none or more than one in one. This comes from me to you, no hidden words, just plain simple digestible feelings and things to portray.

I have had it with this confusion that blurs my thinking, I cannot handle the heat and pressures of deciding, I struggle day and night, week in, week out. You take my words for granted and sometimes cash them. I never meant to look this way, so far away, so distant from you my one.

You accepted me, I accepted you, we moved together, we jumped, played, and ran together, for as far as the eye can see, we were there. We dreamed it, felt it, discussed it, imagined and created our ideal picture. We never knew there would be road ramps and ditches along our ways, although we felt something coming, what happened to your comforting and assuring ways, what ever happened with my time for you, you seem to drift away.

When you asked me? I don’t know I replied, I am what I am, and that is not my tidy side, I am a warrior fighting my own battles, any warrior rests, you caught me off guard and took my breath away. I spoke much of my plans and roads to travel, I had you near me, with me, every step of the way, I even started some with you, then it happens…

What every couple trying their luck fall prey to, the usual this & that, the fighters are unaware of the turf wars around them, they move swiftly and feel minor bumps along the way, little do they know what awaits them. Test after test, passing with honors and making way for the next step, they thrive, then dive, and in this dive their faith and love for one another takes a test without rest.

I talked you into the idea of us and you talked me into we, its not looking good from my view, tell me how it looks from your angle, stick by my side, open up to me, do not test your methods with me as I have laid down my tactics and followed my instincts. Come closer, they only succeed when they move us apart, they have a long list, they need not worry about our tears and fears, they are the surroundings with all the contents.

I am weak now. I have it but can’t push no more. Help me. The closer you get the higher my motor revs. I know you are hurt by the way I live & love, the way I take things casual and go with the flow, forgive me and watch me neutralize my imperfections for you.

Enough said. No words could express this distress I try to address. You have your world starting, I have my world to get back on track, we live different lives, much different views, we like one another’s company, it has its fruits and they are many, we differ and its sometimes bitter, should we try and make it better? or forget it altogether? your call.

I have my reasoning, all comes with my seasoning, consider it treason if you may, but one day as they say, one day, you shall say why didn’t I hear him out, we never figured it out, we were under attack, I wish it was only from the back, but it gets ugly when its from side to side and all around, from the ground you hear the sounds of the jealous souls, the ones that want it all, beware the words that come disguised in the looks of friendship, only to find your ship leaving your port as you watch it sink into the horizon.

Maybe I left some hints here and there, maybe its her and not you, but are you not sure of what I have for you, take your time and try to follow that fine thin line, that maybe one day makes you mine.

I leave you know with your facts and other meddling minds, read between their lines, uncover hidden agendas, I have mine, and they want to be mine, what’s mine is mine, just never mind whats left behind and walk the line, in the end what matters is if you actually make up your mind.

p.s. I am used to dealing with the consequences of my playful spirit, I never meant to be bad, its actually sad to think of me like that, as always I remain at your disposal.

mamdooh.alradadi @ home Jeddah, KSA 14/5/2010

me@mamdoohalradadi.com

In a cluttered world filling up with more complications to this oh so simple and wonderful life, we find ways to cut through the clutter. We first start to look inside before we look out, we start to peel our layers to get to the buried long forgotten truth we hold in some safe inner sanctuary, all that for a decision based upon inner approvals.

We face life head on wether we are in bed killing the day or out in the fields farming and making a living. We peel away year after year and wish we could peel faster, little do we know that as time goes by we solidify our inner treasurers, our real deal, and give some selected few someones skeleton keys with a lifelong period. All others will have to prove worthiness of such benefits.

Life moves, people come and go, days seem to be on kick down, changes occur and become the norm, love happens, your heart is taken for a thrill ride on some never charted dangerous waters without safety nets,”Every man for himself” screams the neon warning up ahead! we all love thrill rides to some degree, the scared souls seem to settle down with the first sign of happiness. The thrill seekers seem to become the christopher Columbus of their own seas, they either hunt or get hunted down and sink their fleet.

When each one gets the list of wants and needs for the following years, its all you can eat buffet time! depending on ones greed people fall upon the options as if they were sealed away in some ancient dungeon deprived of minimal human needs. The list consists of choices like being wanted, needed, loved, looked after, beautiful, different, everyone wants to be different, yet we all love the basics.

As time flies by faster than you wanted it to, you look in your rear view mirror and start looking back as your face changes moods in milli seconds to each feeling you get looking back. The laughs, tears, joy, happiness, feelings, successes, wins, misses, people, places, personal victories, defeats, moves, craziness, the ones that got away, the ones the let you go and thats life!

People come visiting every once in a while into your space, they come check you out, say hi, perhaps have coffee, get to know you only a bit better, but they always say we thought we knew you, then you both go further apart and see if you miss them, and so on. You go visiting, we all need people you know. You come across many, thousands of people in your living years, and you seem to attract certain people depending on many factors.

The attraction meter can be controlled by you in many cases, so you attract and distract based upon personal taste and requirements, you also fall into other peoples scan zones, people looking, searching for that one in 6 Billion, what are the odds of finding the right answer to yourself? imagine a jigsaw puzzle with 6 billion pieces and you had to fit somewhere, keep looking, unless you already fit, don’t move someone is looking for you to complete the picture.

When you think you know someone, when you say your sure, when you say I have it figured out, when you say all of those things, ask yourself this; Which layer did I reach in this persons life, how deep did I penetrate? am I close? will she/he let me access more? have I reached a wall? what do I need to do to know more? if you really want something, I guess you should continue digging and never stop the discovery of someone else’s real self. The problem with us is we all fall into the know it all category.

When the danger sirens are turned on and a new layer has been breached, you have reached new frontiers, the penetrated soul will attack to defend its grounds and then be tamed like a wild stallion if they like you, otherwise you will be surrounded and thrown out to the front gates, just like everyone else, depending on how much you want IN you charge forward and use tactics and strategies to move on and in.

Depending on the age and experiences each one of us has, our layers laid one over the other should spell how safe one is, problem is…you can never tell or see such hidden layers, only at very close interactions are they revealed and for small windows in time, then they shut down automatically again. Day in day out people come and visit and get shut down, some are given chances, some are forever forgotten, its as easy as that.

When you judge me, take a closer look, maybe that Mona Lisa is not that after all, maybe the generosity and kindness of Mother Teresa is actually the devil in disguise, maybe the father figure is just a con artist on the run form a previous break in, maybe the playboy is just a front for a loving family man, maybe you are not what you are, maybe I am exactly what I look like and act like? maybe we are all in a big playground needing some love, fun and affection?

I still stand strong with my beliefs and ideas, yes it only took me a life to get here, but you see I only get one, this is no video game with a reset button, its one chance, one big trial and error period, over time I found that I love to fail, the more I fail the more I know, the more I know the better and clearer I see, the wiser I become, the less mistakes in choices occur, the layers grow, one by one, heavier, thicker, more high tech, more dynamic adapting to change as I grow each day, I still stand.

When you want me, take me, for I am yours, but before you lock me down, take a closer look and make sure I am the right one, for I too seek in this cluttered world, and I too have the option to choose, and when I decide its time to move on, you will be nothing more than an image in my rear view mirror, accept that and move on, you had your chances, just like everyone else, stop being selfish, and one more thing; Thanks for the lesson, I owe you. Now let me see the door, I think its the new contractor here to build a new wall

mamdooh.alradadi just before heading to work on 12/5/2010

me@mamdoohalradadi.com

I am not lost without you. Lost is something you can look around and eventually find or lose. My feelings for you exceed the typical lost feelings. Every word you say has its place somewhere inside me. How can one get lost from ones self? you run through my veins. You appear in my blinks, so I close my eyes to catch the full picture.

Imagination is only a think away. Run wild, run free, come to me, hug me madly, bring back what you stole, my true internal smiles that creep their way to my lips.I never knew what space really meant until you left my world, you fulfill me. Traces of you in every dark and shining corner haunt my days and turn my night into shining illusions of you. You spark my life, ignite me baby one more time, for old times sake, lets shake it off like a dog shakes water after a dip in the pool.

Fresh, is how I describe you. Warm, is what I feel with you. Hurt, is what I experience without you. Rock, is what you are to me, what happens when I fall now? Happy is any day with you. Babies.. are my plans for you. Fantasies have lost their luster. Clusters are forming and making me stronger, tougher, harder, I don’t like the new me. Jealousy is part of me, hiding it kills me softly. Enemy, you will never be to me.

Come back and run to me, I’ll be there before you reach me. Reach out and watch me fly girl. Fall blindly and watch me catch you. Whisper in my ears sweet candy talk, lets take a walk on the wild side, side by side, looking eye to eye, place your hands on my shoulders, stay there. Enough dreaming now, smacked back to reality …how? typical me, dreaming in the wrong tenses, past, present & future.

What happened to those exotic hideaways we talked about? I already have you as my star, follow the north star you promised me,  how will I convince myself to find a new you? Is it in you to leave me stranded, abandoned on some pirate treasure Island? who will help me dig our lost treasure, what if I made my famous pirate imitation? will it bring you back to my ship? Don’t let me walk my own plank, the sharks await me.

You and me are extraordinary people living ordinary lives,  lets cut through complications and settle this like little children, forget grown ups, how about some red cherry lollipop, you know the really cheap yummy ones? how about some melting scoop of ice cream sprinkled with strawberries with heaps of whipped cream? will you help me finish it before it melts  just like you do all over me?

My ego is on full alert, bare with me, losing me is easy, and finding you was hard, now that you found me, chase me back to you, play with me, come to my world, I have a special place saved for you. They say my world is a unique one, tailor made by the finest dreamers, everything is mellow and vibrant, now come and bring your warmth with you, together we will cover all four seasons without any kind of reason. Laid back is as hard as it gets, last time I checked the sign said “ population missing one” I think they mean you, come to me, run to me, forgive me, lets!

Sometimes the fools that find that special someone give in & let go just before it starts to get fun. Spices have forever added flavor and flair to our lives, sprinkle some more on me. I’m said to be a tough cookie to crack, who said I was perfect, perhaps we need to study me, will you be my doctor? while I study you.

Did you find what you were looking for yet? hint; me@mamdoohalradadi.com

All you can see is a dry cracked canal, or lane, too hard to figure out, just dry, very dry walls and pathways. Each one forking into other forgotten water pathways, some are so fine you could call them micro veins, some larger and some just in your face big.

Hydration or irrigation was a thing of the past here, but one day they were full of life and very liquid, today.. lifeless. Suddenly a rumble, a volcanic eruption, some huge movement, a gushing powerful water fountain must be erupting, seconds later the flooding irrigates the dry walls, the extreme power and speed remove any obstacles in its dry paths.

The salty tears make their way down the aging mans cheeks all the way to the side of his cracked crumbled lips. He blinks to remove the blurry visions caused by these damned tears.

In the distance you can see the shoreline, the waves crashing on the beach, the children at play, teen spirit, ice cream, fun and laughs, summer time!

Today is his 75th birthday, he comes here every year to await her arrival, she promised him she will be back next year, its been 40 years now, she must have her excuse he thinks  positively.

On the other side of the ocean and old lady sitting in the back seat looks towards the beach front and has some kind of mixed emotion after looking at the date on her watch, she promised, she never delivered, she lives in shame till this day, life goes on she thinks.

His son comes closer as the sun bids the world good bye, he walks towards him and observes his son has already opened the doors to his white phantom Rolls Royce, if only she could see me today he thinks, I did it all for her, but she never came to take what’s rightly hers…

Lost lovers. Broken promises. True love. Dry memories.

mamdooh.alradadi at some cafe in jeddah,KSA on the 8th of May 2010

me@mamdooh.alradadi.com