We all seem to focus on the good in things today, and that’s a good sign. The issue is sometimes taken for granted by many folk. If you say you will do something and you don’t, and see something else you like to practice and you don’t, then you become worst that your original state.

So I will attempt today to show you what not to do, at least a few that will get you ahead of the many crowds surrounding you in 10 easy Do Not’s, remember Do Not!

1. Do not look around a person when talking to them, do not look or take a sneaky glimpse at your watch, unless you want the meeting to end, or signal their time is up!
2. Do not yawn, and if you do excuse yourself for doing so, and state why.
3. Do not pretend to listen to what they are saying, if you already know the information being said, say so, and move on in the conversation.
4. Do not keep repeating “ Yes, but!” “ I know, but” “ Listen to me” “ You don’t understand” take a moment and imagine someone is using those words with you in a conversation you are so excited about.
5. Do not belittle people based upon misconceptions, rumors and stereo typing. I still fall into that trap, and I have been working on it for years. Here is the good news, the more I let my analysis guards down in conversations with new people, the more fascinated I become in the wonderful people that come in all sizes, ages, shapes & color.
6. Do not wait for your time to talk. If you want to talk about yourself talk to yourself and save us the boredom and agony.
7. Do not assume you are better than the talker, instead become interested in them, ask more, talk to them more about them! as they say “ be interested, not interesting”.
8. Do not ignore cultures within cultures. Ask more and observe more, learn from your mistakes. There is a big difference between how Arabs communicate and Japanese. Even within your own country there lies many cultural ways and what’s normal in your part, could be a pure insult a few hundred kilometers south!
9. Do not focus on the other persons defaults or scar, or balding spot, or black spot on his white shirt, or her smudged mascara…  look them in the eye and focus on what’s being said, bodily and wordily.
10. Do not interrupt people when they talk, and do not accept interruptions, respect is a requirement for free flow of ideas and great communication.

And one last one for the road:

1. Do not be known as:

• a conversation hog
• a long meeting individual
• an Egoistic individual talking about your glory, let it speak for itself
• a me, me, me person
• a fake smile
• a gossiper, enjoy it every once in a while, but never be known for it
• a person that talks with food in his mouth, disgusting!
• a boring person, read more, examine more, investigate, understand, ask… you have to believe that people get bored with dull people you know, its true!
• a person that starts conversations with the same line every time i.e. “ here’s what I think!”
• an envy kind of person, everything they say they bought or did or managed makes your face turn blue, I know cause it shows! people read bodies, faces and words, remember that.

mamdooh.alradadi @ his home in Ramadan thinking of a better way in Jeddah, 18th August 2010

me@mamdoohlaradadi.com

How do I know you?

How can I tell if its you?

What signs must I look for?

What feelings must ignite to know Im on the right track?

Where do I go to find you?

Do I just bump into you?

Is that you? or is that you?

What if you passed me and looked back and I did, but later?

Is it a heat? is it a chill? is it a thrill?

When will I know I missed you?

What do I do when I am surrounded by the many forms you take?

Is my soul involved in this search? what if its too tired to look?

Are you exactly the opposite of what I have been looking for? or exactly it?

Why the chase? why the pain? why the lonely nights? why the wasted days?

When does this game end? when will I surrender? what if I raise my flag now? will you show yourself?

What if I fall into enemy lines, like the many times I fell, what if they keep me imprisoned till its too late? won’t you come and save me?

Who will comfort me in my pains and hurt? I know you watch over me from a distance, I know it because I can feel it, stop it and come to me.

You know Im good for you, I know Im good for you, why not see what it feels like to be one.

I enjoy my days but miss you in them, come see what it looks like from where I stand.

Must I search in total darkness when you can light my path towards you? honestly.

My feet are my carriage in this long journey, I have space for one more passenger, join me.

Don’t you want to watch the moon set on some distant Island with me?

Don’t you need to know what love is? let me teach you.

Don’t you miss those hugs you never knew existed? come closer.

You know I love to whisper through your locks of hair all the way up your neck sweet little nothings.

Don’t you understand that it takes two to do the sweetest things in life, combine with me.

Don’t you know it was me from the start? it always was, always will be, it was meant to be.

Being the cat I am, play is my middle name, playful souls flock together, come to my playground let me show you around, its all fun and games, come play me.

That special table for two in the moonlight awaits your arrival, I know you won’t let me down to drown without your presence. The candles continue to burn awaiting your breath to tame that ever growing flame inside me, killing me softly with your breath is what I die for, blow this way, all the way, everyday.

Don’t you wish you were here?

mamdooh.alradadi wishing you were here in Jeddah in these lonely nights 13th of August 2010.

me@mamdoohalradadi.com

How many times have you heard that in the last year? I have been hearing it forever, said it for a bit, found the answer twice, and still wonder why people still say it?

The idea of writing this piece came to me while listening to a song that R.Kelly sings named ” be my #2” where he bluntly tells his new girl that she will never be his #1, because he has a special person in his life, he also tells her he can’t be seen everywhere with her, but still there are other places, like Islands and other destinations his #1 doesn’t know..and so on.

Why would someone who has a number one, look for a lesser number? a number two or four for instance? is it a numbers game? or is he not sure about what he has? is it that they lost the spark? the fire? the thrill? has the thrill gone? many ideas and questions and excuses, sometimes its just a fact the person loves to play!

Let me focus on one of those, the thrill factor, the magnetic force that pulls two together, the real deal feeling. What seems to happen to many couples I guess is a plague called routine. This little devil crawls in uninvited at first, but persistence always pays. So when the couple finally understand each other, and finally get to know each others like & dislike buttons, they suddenly get sick of each other, same old thing day in day out.

Some couples actually know what their partners next move or reaction will be, so they play to that for a while, and just like a new toy to a kid, that also becomes boring, especially if the other partner is in on the game. So boredom does shed its wide and vast shadows on relationships.

After a couple of years of being together, they start to wonder what is happening on the other side of the relationship barrier. They have singles that mingle and give them the latest scoops in society, who’s with who, who’s cheating, who’s divorced..blah! blah! blah!

So here in this fraction of time, the devil himself finds a window of opportunity to have a new puppet that thinks its always rosier on the other side, forgetting his wonderful wife who is the envy of all surrounding females & males! with her awesome smile, her wonderful body and looks, her wit & humor, her mind, even though she’s a blonde..you know the good stuff we all dream of.

Everything starts with an idea, ideas nest and infest a big part of the thinking, ideas need actions to become reality, actions start off small with off track routines back home, wandering eyes, checking if they are still capable of drawing attention of the opposite sex, what kind of girls or boys do these wandering eyes lure in for lunch or supper..and the rest is history.

Some stop their actions right there and come back home to their partners and make up for their bad ideas..some, take the next step…

Ideas have lured small actions, small actions have investigated the scene and it gives the coast is clear signal, the partner is occupied, the targets acknowledged and acquired, what next? “Are you married?” asks the pretty young girl… “what do you think?” replies the sinner. If he say’s yes! he has a 50/50 chance this thing will go south, if he say’s its complicated..his chances go up 25% if he say’s No! then he has 100% chance of keeping the target engaged until further notice.

I would love to give you more information about what goes on after that, but it would consume so much time, let me speed it up for you. If he said No! the obvious comment would be why not, you have a good job you say, your over 30, you seem decent…why not? the key word here is DECENT! hahahaaa. anyway, I’m supposed to stay in writing mode, not facebook mode!

The man gets so deep that he can’t manage his life anymore, believe me on this, only a few have managed to call it quits and come back to their loving wives or husbands, only a few…HEY! get the idea out of your mind! I said only a few, and the rest get roasted for dinner!

So let’s get back to the main idea behind why happy people tend to seek other stuff from outside the relationship, if it sucks try and fix it or leave it behind and move on, its that simple, we tend to complicate things.

Here are a few things I think can help anyone keep what they have and enjoy it, even if it becomes boring sometimes, you can keep it spicy and fill it with surprises:

• Change is good, keep evolving.
• When you see your husband liking something on tv, maybe, just maybe try it for him.
• That lovely hair of yours, you know you can do magic with it, just do it!
• Your body, well it could have changed over the years, but you have to maintain in order to be sexy! maintain is the name of the game, it goes for guys too! why does your wife have to put up with the truck you call a belly, looking like santa ain’t sexy, except for perverts!
• Your smell and odor, keep in control, not because you live together you can fart and laugh you know! not funny…. gases belong in containers or open air sicko!
• Experiencing new things together is always fun, accept her as your buddy and explore as if with friends, you know what I mean.
• Buy her stupid things, make him laugh, run after him, chase her in a mall instead of being adults, talk dirty to him, talk sweet to her, change and be young forever.
• Go on secret vacations, don’t let anyone know, just you two, leave the kids behind, make excuses.
• Cook for her, shop for him, clean with her, splish and splash with her, dress up for weekends, dress down for work at home, buy the latest perfume, stop using that 1980 ARAMIS for god’s sake! and you girl dump the Channel for a while.
• Teach her new things, laugh with her, take classes and challenge each other, do stuff that you never did before.
• Take an equivalent to $5 and take her out, do not over spend! check out that old beaten falafel place.

The options are many, only if we want to.

mamdooh.alradadi wondering if he could pull that off! in Jeddah June26th 2010

Every once in a while in your life you bump into another object and bump away, sometimes you keep bumping into the same object and start to think to yourself why this particular object?

You start to gather your ideas and think some more, you remember something called the law of attraction, you faintly think of birds of a feather, you pass by the old saying like attracts likes, you think of the opposites attract way of thinking, its all good you think!

Objects that are different from you and you accept them as they are make you wonder and go into the possibilities area, what if?

When objects bump, they leave a trace on you, just like when  a white car scratches a red car, you see marks on the sides or bumper, its all relevant physics, its all good.

How I see it, is when an object bumps into you and leaves its marks, you gained and they gained, you all gain, so, its all good.

When its all good we ask ourselves is it really that good? I love the additional advantage and experience, lifestyle, thinking, feelings, ideas and all, is it that good? yes it is that good, but living in a negative atmosphere makes you confused, in the end, its all good.

If you do feel the bump, bump some more, maybe someday you find a way to combine and become one, but one thing is for sure, bump some more, get a feel for the other object, go ahead and bump!

When you feel the bump, you know. When you know, you grow. When you grow, you flourish. When you flourish you shine so bright your radiance feeds, feeding is loving, bump!

mamdooh.alradadi looking for a bumping in jeddah, 20th June 2010

me@mamdoohalradadi.com

I have a close friend who asked me one of those questions that makes you wonder, not that I don’t know the answer, on the contrary I fully know the answer, but still wonder.

The question was in regard to the social changes that took place over the last 20 years in the males,females,couples & families of today. He asks why are the mothers and husbands of today not even close to our parents lifestyle and parental style? in this case he is talking about the way of life they lead, live, choose.

He states that his mother was shopping with him, and as they added the chicken breasts to the shopping cart, his mother smiled and actually laughed out loud “ these are the good days” In my days I used to get the chicken as is, I cleaned it myself, plucked it myself, made sure it was clean myself, today its ready made and packaged in sections to your liking and choice”.

That brought us to the associated things that go along the same line, in terms of what we saw our parents  and families doing and what we do today, guilty as charged I say on my part. If you look at any home back in the days, cleaning the house, cooking for the family all meals on time, every day of the week, not just fridays or sundays, catering to house guests, visiting relatives, bonding, helping the children study, raising girls and boys, more than todays couple of children( the norm in this part of the world was five).

Today things have become easier and to some they worked for it, for others they just follow what everyone else is doing, even if they can’t afford it. To the many people living in the middle east the following are no longer luxuries but necessities for a strong marriage and future family:

• Maid
• Driver
• Nanny
• Entertainment system
• Yearly travel
• Allowance
• Second car
• Private schools
• Extravagant marriage rituals
• Honeymoon packages that break a back
• Weekly dinners and brunches
• Weekly/monthly beach cabin rentals

Just looking at the list will turn the switch off to any graduate making a starters salary, and make an established partner think of it as an investment sometimes, even if she’s worth it. Most men are not stingy or love money, and most girls are not greedy and materialistic, although this pattern is on the rise, where they believe money can buy you love!.

Even if you managed to pull it off, is it real? is it really you? is that what you got married for? marriage was a partnership struggle back then, and that in my opinion made it stick! today, letting go is easy, the basis and foundations are rocked by materialistic and social influence with the occasional running away from life marriages, not on personal satisfaction , preferences and strong feelings.

I know its out there with some people, who live happy marriages and have what we had as kids, but they are clever to hide it from the community for superstitious reasons, they appear normal, by normal I mean they complain of fights, not getting along and financial worries, but in fact they live a great life! two thumbs up for those lucky people.

I miss hearing or witnessing big family get togethers, mother managed homes, father figures who respect their homes, mothers and daughters cleaning homes, brothers doing manly things in the house, brothers driving sisters and little brothers to school, and I do not miss the new packaged noodle lifestyle young ones live under nanny supervision.

Missing something is not necessarily the only way it should be, but have you ever wondered what its like to being brought up in a solid family foundation? life is changing faster than we are able to realize it.

Things are being thrown in the face of parents, who are not able to take quick action so they file it under “ later”, later never comes until the children graduate with that folder hidden somewhere, so eventually they do it solo and you can never blame them, for it is us who screwed it up for them.

Mothers are being overwhelmed with societies calls for action, being a mother was never and will never be an easy job, no matter what we say. It is in her nature to multitask and manage different things all at once and still smile. My only cry out is for them to not forget their mothers in the process and their teachings, for they did it the hard way.

Today, everything is easier than it used to be with technology leading the way, children I hear today communicate with their parents better by text on their mobiles, talking gets you no where.

Family values are a thing of the past today, you can only manage to squeeze this much into the little ones brains with the little time you have with them daily, monthly and yearly. Mothers and fathers have so much social activities and work anxieties all caused by technology and the fast life we live today and the material aspects, that no matter what they do.. nothing will make up for lost time.

So how do we bring the past and the present together and mold them into one new thing that works? every once in a while you hear some kind of effort that tries and brings both generations together, but nothing in my humble opinion worked so far.

Bottom line; What we do to our parents, our children do to us sooner or later, stop the complaining and start the investigation in your own doings first, hard work? Yes! worth it? Yes! can you do it? Yes!

They say a carpenters door is always broken, let’s just say I am a carpenter trying to fix it for you, when I need someone to come and fix my problems, I seek answers just like you, stopping to evaluate the situation is one part, taking action and moving again is the real issue.

Let’s not forget where we came from, how we came to be where we are today, what got us here will not take us to where we want to be, draw from your past, learn from todays ways and techniques, identify your mistakes before its too late, look them in the eye, learn and keep moving!

We all reminisce on the past, but live in the today, that hollow feeling you feel inside is a wake up call to search deeper into your lifestyle and foundation building for the future, family is key to a healthy you, there is nothing wrong with going back to nature, no matter what people say, its your home, manage it and enjoy it, whatever you plant today, you will reap in the future.

Nothing beats a home cooked meal aroma when you walk into your home with your little ones climbing up you as you throw away all that work behind and get ready for another great family reunion, live it day by day, you never know when it will end.

mamdooh.alradadi wishing he was a little obedient boy again to enjoy it all over again in Jeddah, 19th July 2010

me@mamdoohalradadi.com

I’m getting sick of the blood suckers and parasites I have managed to trickle out of my system over the years and continue to do so, How can I escape when everyone around me reminds me of them with horror stories!

The many faces of these creatures seem to catch us by surprise, as they slowly, enter and lay their nest to infect us with slime upon slime and much more sucking than we ever witnessed. I am totally disgusted by these soulless lifeforms that thrive on our account and health. They suck you dry, emotionally, physically and financially.

As I type this I am attacked by one of them, a mosquito, at least the pest admits to its love for my blood, and yours. Mosquitos are the least of my worries, one slap on the table or clap of the hand, or spray of that “ kill all bugs” and the bug realizes that when you suck someones blood for life, your life ends soon after( even if the darn thing managed to get away, its lifespan is only 7 days or less).

As the darn mosquito continues sucking me to its maximum loading capabilities, I remember my humanly mosquitos and other similar social bugs. If only there was a strong enough repellent that can actually keep them off your back, if only. The good news is you can learn a whole lot from your encounters and friends who are living it, when you identify your target, your only chance to get out in one piece is either eliminate or contain.

If you choose to contain them I know of a nice big lake we have in jeddah which is made up of sewage that we can send them all for a fully paid vacation forever never to return, actually do not worry about them coming back, over there they will feel at home .

For the following slimy creatures I have two words: You Suck!

• I know someone who uses his friends place, money, cars and travels with him, calls the toys his, splashes at his beach house and does it day in day out, to that bug I say “ You suck!”.

• What about that school friend that had parents that were suckers by nature and played to the egos of young teenagers and sucked up to them, today he continues to thrive on their behalf, he sucks, they pay, nice way for suckers, You suck!

• Over to the friend that has a job, gets paid, knows another friend who is so giving and loving, money comes naturally but he does not work you see.” Let’s go to another coffee shop he complains!” his friend pays the bill and they leave, the friend paid at all the next 4 places, the sucker played stupid, and did he stop? not a chance! This friend tells me even when its pennies he refuses to pay unless he puts on a show that he is paying! By the way sucker…YOU SUCK! in case you didn’t read that, You SUCK!

• Wait a minute, with all the hypocrites hovering on our levels these days, I cannot forget the bearded ones that pretend in public to be something of wisdom and faith, and are nothing more than cheap liars and worse than the non believers, for they are your everyday hypocrites, the ones that say something and totally mean and do something else.

• The evil ex-husband that ended a rough marriage of hypocrisy, dictatorship, male brutality, mental and physical abuse and then comes back to haunt her with his side gig mistress who has come back to make sure he is not cheating like he did to his first wife, you see what goes around comes back around and all the way up your chimney! so hard you will feel it and scream no more. What kind of man ask his ex-wife what she did to the woman he was cheating on her with? you see suckers are not warm blooded like the rest of us, cold blooded creatures that live on other peoples lives and blood. Good always wins over evil, and as to our coward goat in this shameful example, If I could only pluck your beard one hair at a time and write “ beware of hypocrite” on your forehead with your victims blood, and still look you in the eye and say” You Suck!”

• How about those people that suddenly fill your walls and days when you have that extra cash or that prestigious job title and power? where did they go when you fell to the perils of their doings? what happened to them when you needed an extra shoulder to cry on? what happened when you needed an answer when you called, only to hear busy tones and no replies? Why do they chase you off and down when you were weak, and attach themselves to you when you fly? How do they have the guts to show up at your door when you rise again asking for favors?

Here is the master plan/ sucker evaporate spray:

When they come to you once you start to fly again, when you are healed and stronger, when you are back to normal, when you are busy helping the needy and making a better you, when they arrive be nice, greet them in a perfect socially acceptable manner.

Invite them over for a private dinner, have some friends over, make them feel at home, offer them coffee and dates, candy and cakes, feed them, pamper them, and when they are comfortable and feel there is no harm done, ask them “ what was it you needed buddy?” and as soon as they start to open that garbage mouth of theirs, place your finger on their mouth and stop them, look them in the eyes and say after me:

You suck!

Oh! and one more thing, if you have been offended by my words, say thank you and move on out of here! Otherwise let me know your input on the delicate subject, and for the rest of us, You Rock!

mamdooh.alradadi listening to some smooth Jazz on July 6th 2010 in  jeddah, KSA

me@mamdoohalradadi.com

Of all creations mankind has witnessed, nothing ever will beat the birth of a newborn. The confusion and mixed emotions to the whole process from start to finish is the creators way of making us understand that greater forces exist.

To me I am blessed with two angels in the making, a boy and a girl. Sultan & Leen, my eyes and lungs that I breath with. They seem to have managed to push me when down and keep me going when the road is blocked, they make me smile in every way I knew and in many cases never knew.

I see my future growing in front of me, I see bright blue summer skies. I see rainbows and flower beds as far as the eye can see, I see you playing in the fields with me lying on my back, daydreaming and sharing your laughs as you whisk past me. With you I simply see.

I’ve been meaning to write about this subject for some time now, that time is now. Recently I have personally been a victim of “ no respect”, you know what I’m talking about, some other person, human, thing got away with not respecting you, treating you with a superior or inferiority complex of some kind.

Rest in peace my fellow people, respect is something we give freely and unconditionally to whoever we meet or interact with on our quest for happiness. When you respect someone naturally, you have reached the pinnacle of human relations. The problem here is that some people understand it the other way around, or have conditions, or in many cases to higher up individuals or people they look up to, other than that they disrespect.

You run and you run some more, you stop and you think, then you start running again, rain or sun, wind or droughts, you still run, till you can’t run no more.

In every encounter we seek happiness, no ones wants misery. We fall into another’s arms, while the heat of the last still makes us warm. They call them players, yet no one really knows them. They are loving, understanding individuals seeking the missing link.

She comes into my life insisting she is the one and not the last, she calls me baby, a name I got accustomed to, she falls in love with me, I fall back. Am I missing something here? was it my last, the one before that or this one? she answers with total belief and confidence, it is me.

They say when you focus on something you get to see or feel it more, like the new car you want suddenly its everywhere, or the family vacation that is all over the news, as if its the only thing people are talking about, or the nagging boss that seems to haunt your dreams, just a few examples to refresh your memory of the strange things we take for granted and don’t know what to make of them.

A fine use of the word “INSTEAD”;

• Instead of wondering why you hit that car and ruined your new toy, think how lucky you are to be alive, and while steel remains steel, blood is thicker than water, water is life and you my friend are alive to breath and walk another day.