Even if you suck at math, this monster will freak you out, and make you good in math wether you like it or not. Today I was with a friend of mine after a long day of moving like a yo-yo from place to place. What do you think about a quick bite I asked, yeah lets do that he agreed. Fuddruckers? sure.

We are seated at the bachelors section of course, no females allowed( actually were not allowed near the females) we know what we want, we order 2 (1/3) pound burgers, let me repeat that, two (1/3) burgers, one giant hot dog, and some spicy chicken wings. Yeah we were a bit hungry. I did notice that the waiter was over serving us, so I knew we were in for a bad experience! Its that gut feeling you get, when the waiter repeats your order more than 4 times.

First the wings arrive, all is good so far, then the drinks, cool I think. Now another waiter arrives with the main course items, the hot dog, ok I say, and I can tell from the treatment we are getting it was about to go south. I actually saw 3 waiters bring our order, or accompany the main man( our waiter). They throw the foldable table with grace, and place the 2 MONSTER burgers on it, then ask who has the cheese? and I just look at that burger and know its either I am seeing double vision, or this thing is BIG! he repeats our order when he see’s my tonsils due to my open wide mouth in fear!

“Two (2/3) burgers is your order right?” As I was not your average math guy, I started to pretend I knew which was bigger, a 1/3 or a 2/3, I know a 1/2 is somewhere in between those two sizes, I eventually give up and trust my instincts and know that SIZE MATTERS!, HELL NO! I scream, how dumb can you be? why would I think of eating a whole POUND of beef 2 hours before I die? He suddenly passes the blame with a stare at the junior guy who took our order. Just a minute ago they were gathering around us to see who the two dumb asses are? and someone did actually order that slab of beef in the freezer at LAST! they were gathered around us to witness history in the making, even better than mankind landing on the moon. I can imagine how many starving mouths we could have fed with one of those monsters?

We feel sorry for the guy and let him off the hook, cut it in half, and still looks big! I take a bite out of it, and I can tell I look ridiculous with my brain showing as i open my mouth, wider than the time I had my wisdom tooth pulled out( no it does not mean I am not wise anymore, well I do go numb sometimes, but what am I talking about in these parenthesis? let’s go back to the subject if you don’t mind). I feel the guilt before I swallow, a few more bites and I actually get up and head to the bathroom to wash my hands. Shocking site. We did get a 5% discount I think, to lure us into coming back for more in the morning, yummy.

As i sit here and type and look down on my 3 month pregnant stomaach, I ask why? all I wanted was to eat, now I’m pregnant!

Do you think I will ever go back to that place? you betcha! after maybe a few weeks, a few months at the gym, and maybe when I am invited over a mini version of that cow I consumed.

Ok guys, I think that’s it, enough…wait I can see the white line…..it’s getting brighter, OMG, now I can see clouds, angels, devils, a street called nightmare on burger street…oh! I just dosed off, must have been something I ate.

Mamdooh Al-Radadi

me@mamdoohalradadi.com