Boy in a nutshell

November 24, 2009 Mamdooh Cultures, Family, Health, Living, Love, Marriage, People watching, Personal development, Personal Views, Relationships, 2

Have you ever wondered what happens to those lovely little, lively, open dreaming boys over the years?

As they start experiencing the sudden acid rains of society from the early ages of 7 & 8 they start to understand the meaning and use of umbrellas made for normal rain showers, and not the ones that keep increasing in acidity. Mankind is a fearsome strong ambitious creature, given the circumstances he has weathered over the centuries nothing could outlive him, at least nothing we know of.

Going back to that young boy who has opened his eyes to fast and turbulent times challenging him in game format for a few years, then increasing the levels to harder ones to check out his readiness for the real deal,Life. Just as he gets the hang of things and is going full force to conquer the world he feels some kind of resistance, some sort of road blocks, bigger than he has ever witnessed.

He removes a few with his strong will power and parental guidance, if applicable, and moves slowly and steadily, he starts to feel new emotions, love, fear, hate, jealousy, anxiety and some mixture they call mixed emotions.He navigates, checks his peers for reconfirmation of his actions, they seem to move in packs, herds, crowds everyone of them pretending to know what he is doing.

Suddenly at ages 11 to 15 they are stronger yet packed with mixed emotions and clueless guided tours of life, they swear they would never recommend that tour guide again to anyone. They start to explore outside the family box, going further out from shore as they possibly could, looking from a distance to make sure they can get back in one piece. The battles of identity seem to be all that matters, checking for the coolest hair style, best music that catches your moves, clothes only a madman can cook up and be proud to wear at a wedding, smooth moves, walks with limps appear at 17, longer hair, louder music, love and more make believe love affairs, sad music, happy music, driving, speed, dance and crazy food and more experiments and fights.

Once grounds and identities have been semi identified for that age group, the little boy has drifted far and wide from his original simple feelings and sweet personality, its starting to fade away and make way for a better me.

He tests a few gigs on his personality, checks the ones that people seem to like, what they like, not what he likes to be, what they like and moves on with big strides. He ends up in his 20’s feeling like a real man, the stronger version of little me, the one that can actually take on the world, demanding respect and acknowledgement. His tastes have grown, his admiration for things has multiplied, he’s in college and is a responsible man, he shied away from his mothers hugs in public years ago, he still has them, loves them, only when no one is looking. he takes his mother as a given, although he loves her to death, his father too, and all his family, but rarely shows it, he is on the run, he knows not, where his running will throw him, he only knows he must run faster.

His experiments have already brought him crumbling down to his knees at his peak, or so he thinks, his true battles lay years ahead of his eyesight. He has fallen and ran away from his troubles many times, some apparent to people, and some invisible, and some only she saw, and made him break into pieces in front of her.

His life seems to be a mix of female and male interactions, some head on, some smooth passes, some near misses and many other combinations. Some leave great unforgettable memories, others fresh scars. He starts to make changes, more changes that take him further away from his original sweetness that he so longs to feel again.

One day he sadly convinces himself to make like a snake and shed his over aging skin and uncover his true beautiful soul and boyish self to someone and everyone, he is sick of hiding his feelings, his true wants and needs, his naked soul, no berlin walls, chinese walls, not even a brick to protect him.

Suddenly you can hear one of Mozart’s wonderful masterpieces playing as background music, the end is here, for he was asking for it, he was naked in the face of mother nature, he was not prepared for what was ahead, all he could see was black clouds, thunder, hailstone formations, hurricanes, strong winds picking up speed, billboards flying in the air, he squints his eyes real strong to make sure its real.

Minutes later, he is found on a hillside, naked as he was, covered in newspapers, slashed and thrashed all over,his wounds still bleeding,his identity hidden under the filth. He is unconscious, he is wondering what happened? why is he not able to move? what has happened to his numb body? why is he still in pain, where is he?

He opens his eyes, and remembers everything in a split second, he sees his lover running off for another, he sees his friends betray him and spill his secrets all over town, he sees his teachers and preachers fake faces, no one kept a promise, he was abused mentally, he was taken for a ride, he was taken for granted so many times, too fast. He was the joke of the crowd, he was dissed, never taken seriously, he was too real for a fake community, too much feelings were let loose,

• His only sin was he believed.
• He knew it was dangerous, but no one ever told him.
• He tried to be himself to soon. But when is soon?
• He let her know him. What’s wrong with that?
• He opened up to his true feelings towards people? why not?
• He wanted to give all his love? isn’t that a rare commodity?
• He needed to be hugged from the heart? is that too much to ask for?
• He wanted to heal her, now he needs healing.
• He loved life, life bit him hard.
• He needed to go back to the natural way of life in a fake make believe world.

The little boy survived that horror ride, he made it out in one piece, he is known all over town now, he has moved lately to his new and improved address:

A Nutshell.

And they ask him why don’t you be yourself? he laughs inside and wonders if these people know how hard it is to be a normal boy?

That little boy is alive and well, still sane and wonderful as ever, he is the same 7 year old boy he left many years ago, in any weather, wether you like it or not!

Close your eyes,Have no fear, The monsters gone,

He’s on the run and your daddy’s here,Beautiful,

Beautiful, beautiful, Beautiful Boy.

John Lennon

Beautiful Boy

mamdooh.alradadi

me@mamdoohalradadi.com

All alone.. Haj is here